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[personal profile] dionysius
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For a long time, it was actually some people in my family. Dad says horrible things to piss me off and has very bigoted views, against some groups that I'm in. My little sister used to say such horrible things, but I guess these days she's not so bad. I used to hold on to some toxic friends, who I wouldn't say "bullied" me as such, but they were also pretty horrible people; luckily, I realized earlier than most of my peers that it was better to let them go and have no friends instead of false friends.

Other people at school were pretty bad, people who didn't even really know me at all. I had a guy in my chemistry class who gave me shit every single time he saw me, and if I retaliated, he thrived on it, so eventually I tried to just ignore him. One day when he was hugging everyone in the class, he came to me and I threatened him in a very quiet voice but with conviction that if he touched me at all, I would punch him to the floor, and I think that stopped him for the most part. Most others weren't so bold, but they did say horrible things to me and about me all through my school years. In my last year I even had little first years, who are about 11 or 12, shout "faggot" and "poof" at me in the corridors. To be honest, it was more the fact that such young people would do such a thing that shocked me instead of the insults actually hurting me.

People on the internet haven't actually been that bad to me, probably because I've learned when to hold my tongue. I've had some hearty debates with people, sure, but it hasn't necessarily been them throwing a lot of shit at me that upsets me.

I'm happy to say that these days, no one directly bullies me. People still talk shit behind my back, I know, but I think that happens to everyone - mine is possibly more because I'm different in many ways, and I know I am. I don't deal well with people on a social level and people realize this. I'm not for one second suggesting that victims of bullies choose to be affected by it, but I believe that I'm doing better with such things because I've grown a thick skin, and I don't let things get to me as much. I have been bullied from elementary school, even (where people spread rumors all the time about my sister and me, including that we practise witchcraft!!!), so to be honest, I've had a long time to become accustomed to the fact that I am quite different from people, and that there will always be people who are unhappy with the way I am, and that I'm HAPPY to be the way I am. Getting past the difficulties in my childhood largely involved me becoming content with who I am and realizing that I wasn't going to change that for people who didn't even care about me as a person.

So perhaps that is a little advice for people who are having a tough time from others - by all means, fight against the bullies (not in a literal physical way necessarily!), but know that you have the power within yourself to feel good about yourself, and to come to the realization that there is nothing wrong with you as a person. If you were worth nothing, there would be no level for these people to try to bring you down to. You are worth something, and someone in your life knows it. <3
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April 2013


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