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I've decided to make my journal friends only now. If you want to be added, just comment here or message me saying where you found me. :) Read my profile for more information.
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I can't even function right now to finish the damn form, and I can't even cry either, because I've spent so long trying to keep ah appy face that I can't cry for myself any more.
When I harm I don't even cry.
I forgot how to cry for myself. But I'm crying inside. I'm sobbiing inside, and wish I could have the catharsis of tears.
dionysius: (wolf moon)
I finally did the friends cut here on LJ. It's not something I ever like to do, but is necessary to allow me to use the little time I have on LJ best. If you were cut, there are no hard feelings; I just felt we had little connection. I don't mind if anyone asks to be added back, but bear in mind that I am here for more interaction between people, rather than a blog-style "read each other's posts" thing.
dionysius: (wolf moon)
Well, I finally completed my afghan blanket last night, and I'm really very happy with it! It's cosy, and it turned out better than I expected. Not bad for my first time using only a written pattern without videos to help!

And here it is!


I've had very good feedback from friends and my lupus support group, and I'm entered into a prize draw with The Crochet Crowd for completing the blanket as part of Mikey's Afghan Club. I wrote more details about the club and giveaway on my crochet blog (here) as well as put a post of my impending crochet projects.

I got the knitting and crochet pattern book as well as some yarn and hooks a few years ago, as I hoped to learn in time for my niece Ellie's birth. Well, Ellie turned 1 last October, and I really just learned to crochet beyond the foundation chain this January! I've taken to it quite quickly, and find it's become second nature a long time before I expected it would. I can't always do it depending on how my hands are behaving, but thankfully they're generally o.k., and it's a good and productive "time-waster". :)

I love creating in general - I write my novel, poetry, lyrics, have a stab at drawing, like to do coding, amateur photography, you get the point! - and so crochet is another outlet of creativity for me. I think people here in the UK might find it a bit weird that a guy does it; I think it's more accepted in North America, for example, but then again, people who know me as gay/bi and that I love cutesy things and write poetry, etc. (and feed into gender stereotypes :P) are not necessarily surprised. :P Now, the hard bit is for me to commit to certain projects because there are just endless options!
dionysius: (wolf moon)
Hi, guys. I have a backlog of 100+ entries saved to read through, and because I don't really get on as often as ideally to deal with the number of friends I have added here, which doesn't feel worth it to me if we're not connecting, so unfortunately, I've decided to do a cut of the people I feel I haven't really connected with. There are no hard feelings, especially because I know I haven't necessarily been the most engaging LJer. But basically, I'm here to make friends and connect deeper with people than just have us both reading each other's posts passively and not making comments or anything. It doesn't always happen, and that's fine, but I do just need to trim it down a bit. If you see an "add me" post from me in the near future, it's not because I'm lying to you about not having time, but I am looking for people I click with and can develop friendship with, perhaps beyond LJ as well as on it, so I'm just trying to maximize my experience. I just don't want anyone to feel bad, or as if they weren't good enough. With my health and hobbies, I simply don't have much time to allot to LJ, and think that it'd be more rewarding for both me and my friends here if there's more of a connection. :) Again, no hard feelings!
dionysius: (wolf moon)
On the tail end of feeling quite guilty about how little I'm getting on LJ recently, I'd just like to say that if anyone wants, feel free to add me in various other places if you like, just because if I'm not able to sit and do LJ for a while, I'm more likely to be hanging about other places. I'm not quitting LJ, and it's no substitute for here, but it's nice to have a bit more contact with people and I find it's great to get to know you guys even more through other sites.

  • Add me on MSN Messenger or Email: dionysius@live.de
  • My Facebook here
  • I'm quite bad at Twitter these days, but I'm trying to check it more :P My username is @soul_into_hades
  • My Goodreads if anyone is interested in that.


Just let me know if you add me. Comments are private here. :)
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196 sovereign nations. I know because I'm such a nerd whose hobbies include memorizing all country names, their capitals, and their flags for fun. :)
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None of my own actions stand out to me as something to be regretted. I know it's a cliché, but I believe in looking forward, and if anything has gone wrong in any way, I try to do what I can to change it rather than stewing in regret over it. There are indeed things I regret from the past, but these are mainly big things that had lasting consequences, and nothing this year has been in that league, thankfully!
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This is very apt, as I'm planning to work on it after I check LJ! I want to finish my novel by the end of the year, not in its completed version, but at least to finish. I don't want to say "first draft" as I don't edit much at all, but there are a few bits here and there that I want to tidy up a bit. I have one whole chapter and a little bit of the current one to go, then the epilogue, and I'm all done! I just better get cracking as there is not long of the year to go and I also have to work on my dissertation. It'll be nice to start my next novel at the start of 2012. :)
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Probably one of various Harry Potter characters, e.g. Severus Snape, Voldemort... :P And well, you know the rest! (Or you know, anyone Ralph Fiennes plays :P)

O.k., explicit stuff aside, there are many I would like to talk with and give hugs to. :)
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I would say getting through high school, not only with the bullying, but in the last two years especially I was dealing with chronic fatigue and the autoimmune conditions, which meant I was sleeping 16 hours a day and missed a LOT of class. Apart from missing the material, that meant I became more alienated from any friends I did have and that combined with the illness took its toll mentally, leading to issues I still have and a suicide attempt at 16. Of course there was puberty on top of all that!

Things get hard now, but I don't think things will ever be as difficult as they were then. I look back and have no idea how I got through it, tbh! I was actually disappointed with my Advanced Higher results (final year of school) but that's my too-high standards! I did well on them and got into uni no problem. :)

O.k., I feel like I'm simply bigging myself up here, so I'll stop! Sometimes I feel like a different person fought through all that, really. :)
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Well, this question is very apt after Tuesday's memorial service! I would like any organs possible to be donated first of all - I'm already a donor, but of course with my health, I don't know what they'd be able to use in the end. The rest of me is free to go to science - after all, others making the same decision is what has allowed me to benefit so much from my degree and will continue to allow the next generation of medics, surgeons, anatomists etc. to train. How could I say no? I know some people find it a bit weird, but seriously, what a waste if your body just decays under earth or is cremated and it destroys organs that could save another life. I understand people not wanting to donate their full bodies to science, but frankly, I feel that people who don't donate organs are selfish: if you would accept a donor organ, you should be morally obliged to donate them yourself. In the end, it doesn't make a difference to me whether I'm buried or cremated "whole" or not, and I'm sure whatever repulsion my family would feel regarding it would be erased and more upon receiving the news that I had saved lives or given such a gift to students exactly like I am now. I believe organ donation should be opt-out instead of opt-in - for those who aren't really bothered, it's better to have them donate than not, and anyone who is really repulsed can still opt out. Win-win and it's disgusting that very recently it was rejected here. There is a massive shortage of organs and unfortunately many people who WOULD donate but don't get round to signing up/don't know how to.

After all this, I'd prefer cremation over burial, partly for cost reasons, partly because the earth is full enough, and finally because I'm just not comforted by the idea of burial at all.
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I find it improves most men, yes. :D Some people I like anyway, but when I see them with some facial hair... mmm :D Now if only I could get my own to grow in properly! :P
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Mainly the ability to reach people who are like-minded, or who just like me for who I am. Many people don't think you can have fulfulling friendships online, but I ask what are they doing with their friends that involves physical contact? Yes, it's different, but it can still be a real friendship with the right person. The people around who we make friends with in real life are often just those who happen to be there from school, uni, work, whatever. LiveJournal gives a great opportunity to find those people out there who I begin to feel don't exist! Also, of course it's nice as it serves as an outlet for things I couldn't discuss with real life friends, partly because I'm not as close to them, but also partly because I just want to be able to go around uni without people knowing my deeper problems, such as health issues in detail.
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For a long time, it was actually some people in my family. Dad says horrible things to piss me off and has very bigoted views, against some groups that I'm in. My little sister used to say such horrible things, but I guess these days she's not so bad. I used to hold on to some toxic friends, who I wouldn't say "bullied" me as such, but they were also pretty horrible people; luckily, I realized earlier than most of my peers that it was better to let them go and have no friends instead of false friends.

Other people at school were pretty bad, people who didn't even really know me at all. I had a guy in my chemistry class who gave me shit every single time he saw me, and if I retaliated, he thrived on it, so eventually I tried to just ignore him. One day when he was hugging everyone in the class, he came to me and I threatened him in a very quiet voice but with conviction that if he touched me at all, I would punch him to the floor, and I think that stopped him for the most part. Most others weren't so bold, but they did say horrible things to me and about me all through my school years. In my last year I even had little first years, who are about 11 or 12, shout "faggot" and "poof" at me in the corridors. To be honest, it was more the fact that such young people would do such a thing that shocked me instead of the insults actually hurting me.

People on the internet haven't actually been that bad to me, probably because I've learned when to hold my tongue. I've had some hearty debates with people, sure, but it hasn't necessarily been them throwing a lot of shit at me that upsets me.

I'm happy to say that these days, no one directly bullies me. People still talk shit behind my back, I know, but I think that happens to everyone - mine is possibly more because I'm different in many ways, and I know I am. I don't deal well with people on a social level and people realize this. I'm not for one second suggesting that victims of bullies choose to be affected by it, but I believe that I'm doing better with such things because I've grown a thick skin, and I don't let things get to me as much. I have been bullied from elementary school, even (where people spread rumors all the time about my sister and me, including that we practise witchcraft!!!), so to be honest, I've had a long time to become accustomed to the fact that I am quite different from people, and that there will always be people who are unhappy with the way I am, and that I'm HAPPY to be the way I am. Getting past the difficulties in my childhood largely involved me becoming content with who I am and realizing that I wasn't going to change that for people who didn't even care about me as a person.

So perhaps that is a little advice for people who are having a tough time from others - by all means, fight against the bullies (not in a literal physical way necessarily!), but know that you have the power within yourself to feel good about yourself, and to come to the realization that there is nothing wrong with you as a person. If you were worth nothing, there would be no level for these people to try to bring you down to. You are worth something, and someone in your life knows it. <3
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[Error: unknown template qotd]Yes. Of course smokers will say no, and other people who say no are probably healthy and have never had a lung complaint in their lives. Why should those with respiratory problems have to risk their health by being exposed to cigarette smoke in every street? People spin shit like saying "there are worse things in the air"... But I don't think car smoke has so many carcinogens, plus I don't have my breath cut off by it all the time. Being an asthmatic, it sucks. I guess smokers never stop to think that the person behind them could have a real health problem and their smoke could exacerbate it - if smoke can give me an asthma attack, it could sure kill someone who has a much worse condition than mine. Is the right to be out in public and not be attacked by smoke not more important than the "right to smoke"? Smokers hark on about their "rights"... what rights? Yes, you can kill yourself with your smokes if you want, but the problem is that it doesn't just affect YOU when you smoke.

If I went around in public spraying people with carcinogenic products, I'd probably go to jail. Yet smokers do it. Smoking's pretty much only legal because they gave it to soldiers in the wars, right?

Ideally, it'd be banned altogether, but it'd never work. I'd be happy with designated smoking areas. It means I can avoid them and smokers can still smoke (seeing as some smokers are comparing the "right to smoke" with things like freedom of speech, jeez). Smoking's NOT a basic civil right. If you want to die, as I say, be my guest, but don't do it in a way that takes others with you. I actually just read someone say "What's next? Banning food in pubs because of obesity?" Yes, because being obese directly harms those around you and causes oncogenic mutations in their DNA...

Almost I want it to happen just once to smokers that someone behind them has a huge asthma attack or something. For them to realize just how much impact their disgusting habit has on other people. Would they stop to help? Well, I'd refuse to let a smoker help me because they'd make it worse by breathing it all over me and stuff... but for someone to realize that it's THEIR fault people could die from the acute effects of smoke (because like, NO ONE gets second hand lung cancer, right? ¬_¬).
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Yes. Unless a student has a valid excuse not to do PE, of course they should do it. Obesity and related disorders are obviously a huge problem these days in Western society; making PE unmandatory will not help people's laziness! I had a valid excuse to get out of PE for the last few years where I had to do it, but otherwise, I would do it. Yes, it was not a good experience most of the time, and I dreaded it, but I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed some of the sports. If kids never try sports, how will they know they like them?

We can't condemn obesity and the fact that people's lifestyles directly cause diseases like type 2 diabetes, and have made cardiovascular disease the biggest cause of death, and then say, no it's fine; you can skip PE if you want to. Plus, I think that every subject should be mandatory until later years of school. At my old school, all the bratty children objected to taking a foreign language, which was mandatory - the teachers bowed and let them have their own way... :/ Who's running the school?! (A girl I took English class with actually cried to get out science class... they let her drop the subjects.)

Finally, though I'm on a slight tangent, why do people of religions like Jehovah's Witnesses get out of Religious Education? It's not a class that forces you to become a Christian - in fact, it teaches you about all the main world religions. And the atheists still have to attend! I hate to generalize, but a lot of religionists are close-minded about other religions, and this "I refuse to learn about other religions that aren't my own" attitude helps nothing. The class doesn't force you into any religion - it's about education, so that always annoyed me. God says not to worship other gods, but he doesn't condemn learning about them and keeping an open mind of others' beliefs.
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Finally, the last post of my Tanzania photo post. For the previous parts, look here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.


Pics 121-165 )
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The penultimate part of my Tanzania photo post. Find previous parts here; Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.


Pics 91-120 )
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Part 3 of my Tanzania photo post. Find previous parts here; Part 1, and Part 2.



Pics 61-90 )
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